A cat and a rooster are walking on a bridge. The cat falls in the water and the rooster starts laughing. What's the moral of the story? Where there is a wet pussy there's a happy cock.
What the hell did you think I was talking bout!!!!!!!
Saying the Wrong Thing
This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour day and collapses in bed.
He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says, "What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful, sexy, horny woman lying next to you?"
He replied. "Don't worry honey I'd stay faithful!"
Delay in Cure
A husband took his wife to the doctor. 'Oh, doctor', he said, 'my wife thinks she's a chicken.
'The doctor gasped, 'That's terrible. How long has she been like that?
The husband replied, 'Three years.'
The doctor was horrified, 'Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?'
The husband said sheepishly, 'Because we needed the eggs.'
Animal Joke
A worried voice on the doctor telephone declared, "A mouse has run up my wife's pussy, doctor!"
The doctor replied "I'll be over in 10 minutes. In the meantime try waving a piece of cheese between her legs."
When the doctor arrived at the house, he goes up to the bedroom and finds a frantic woman, legs spread wide open, her husband waving a can of tuna fish over her pussy hole. The doctor cried, "Idiot, I said to use cheese!"
The man retorted, "I know that, you fool but I have to get the cat out first!"
Game Over
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'
About Time!
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"
"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"
After apologizing, I got her parcel.
"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"
"What is it?" I asked.
"My husband's new hearing aid."
Cartoons & Pictures
I'm Sick!
The company hires a new man. He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up, he calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. Boss excuses him.
Man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.
The next Monday, he once again calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. Boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row.
Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week.
The following Monday, he calls his boss again. "I'm sick." Boss excuses him, but decides to call the man to task on Tuesday.
Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office.
"What gives?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and you've called in sick every Monday."
Man says, "Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another and we end up making love all day long."
"Your sister!?!" says the boss. "That's disgusting!"
Man says, "I *told* you I was sick."
Poetry
by Rachel
I spoke to my sister the other day.
Discounting first or distant cousins
She is my only relative. She is sixty+.
I am fifty-eight. After ten years it is
Time we spoke again, even carefully.
With every other person in my life,
The living and the dead, I have edited
My memory and there is no shadow
Over the experience of knowing them.
My sister has never been my sister.
Maybe somewhere when we were
Young, living in the same place,
Being favored, she to our mother and
Me to my mother's mother, this set
Us up for some long standing war.
The unacknowledged competition between
Mom and Grandmother, infused every
Day they shared from birth to death and
We were trained in that legacy,
Accepting sisterhood's early demise.
There is no one left to ask and though
I see sisters as loving friends.
That is what I want with us, though
With a path so dark from experience
The way forward seems hidden to us.
March 10, 2010
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Pictures
A begin to the plowing
Buds in the yard
Sunrise, Kentucky River
el Santuario de Chimayó in New Mexico
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It's interesting to me how things I cherished at one point in my life can lie in a drawer for a decade unremembered. I took on the task of cleaning the top drawer to my bedside table last week. I knew it needed to be done. I'd not seen the bottom of that drawer since at least 1994. It's the drawer where I toss everything from a card with new bobby pins to eye make-up.
I found twenty-seven eye shadow compacts, some of which were new and some of which were exact duplicates. There were seven mascara wands! My friend Ann tells me I should replace my mascara every three months. I bet some of those were at least six years old. What's funny about this is I wear make-up maybe six times in a month and make-up to me is just mascara and eye shadow.Eventually I got around to cleaning the small drawer in my chair side. This is the old green broken down Lazy Boy near my computer. I found hundreds of rubber bands from the daily paper. Buried under all that was this book mark. I don't remember who got it for me, for I could tell I'd not have bought it myself. The picture is here. I've begun to use it again and it is, as I type, buried on page 363 of "South of Broad." I hope to finish reading that book this week. Then the book mark will be buried in another book.
SMILE
Rachel
Amazing Picture
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