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A Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down..
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River."
Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn't want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting he could not get her out of his mind. After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife. "What should I do?" asked Jake.
The psychiatrist said: "Take Melrose Avenue."
"I have good news and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"What do you want first?"
The patient thought and said, "the bad news."
The doctor said solemnly, "you have three weeks to live."
"Oh, shit!" exclaimed the patient, "then what the hell's the good news?"
The doctor smiled. "See that pretty blond nurse over there with the long legs and the big tits - In about an hour or so, I will be fucking her brains out!"
A man was out driving in his car when all of a sudden a rooster ran out in front of his car, he tried to miss it but unfortunately he ran over the rooster and killed it. He decided that he should go and tell the farmer, so he got out of his car and walked across the road to the farm, walked up to the front door and knocked. The farmer came to the door and the man said "I'm afraid I've killed your rooster, please let me replace him".
The farmer said "Help yourself, the hens are out in the back".
One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."
Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 2-3 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex.
4) Makes you look better. Sex releases hormones which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 2-3 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.
6) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!
Cartoons and Funny Pictures
It does not explain why others have a full head of hair.
Political Irony and Humor
Amazing Picture
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