January 17, 2010 Issue
Rachel's Newsletter Copyright 2010 by RCA/RachelNewsNotes.aol.com.
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Disclaimer #1
If you're offended by off color jokes, naked pictures and links about
The copyright is for the assembled document & individual items.
What this means is you are not authorized to forward this document to anyone,
and when you agreed to the rules, you agreed NOT to do that.
Disclaimer #1
If you're offended by off color jokes, naked pictures and links about
sex & freaky fetish sex, then get the hell out of here.
The choice is yours. If you stay then it's your choice to look. Got it?
The choice is yours. If you stay then it's your choice to look. Got it?
Quickies
A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:
A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:
"I can lick any man in the place!"
The nearest customer looks him up and down, and then says:
"Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"
The nearest customer looks him up and down, and then says:
"Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"
Doctor, I'm having that dream again." the patient said."Oh?" The shrink replies. "Which one?"
"The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality.
Should I be worried or am I beating a dead horse?"
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to play Hockey!"
A woman to her friend: "Did you ever try that 'spouse-swapping' thing?"
Friend: "Well, My ex & I talked it over with our friends Anne and Bill, but nothing ever happened."
Other friend: "Why not?"
Friend: "Anne wanted to be with me!"
Learning
A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to play Hockey!"
A woman to her friend: "Did you ever try that 'spouse-swapping' thing?"Friend: "Well, My ex & I talked it over with our friends Anne and Bill, but nothing ever happened."
Other friend: "Why not?"
Friend: "Anne wanted to be with me!"
Tending the Begonia
One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the worse for wear.
One frigid morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the worse for wear.
"I didn't sleep a wink," he told a coworker. "I was up all night trying to keep my wife's begonia covered against the freezing cold."
"I should be so lucky," his coworker replied. "When it's this cold my wife wears so damn many clothes to bed, I can never get anywhere near her begonia."
Wrong Room
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day." replied Roy. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and sure enough there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see" said his wife, "but how did you get the black eye?"
Roy replied: "Wrong room."
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day." replied Roy. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and sure enough there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see" said his wife, "but how did you get the black eye?"
Roy replied: "Wrong room."
Window Shopping
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some old person is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you ell in' here?"One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."
Old people don't miss much.
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some old person is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you ell in' here?"One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."
Old people don't miss much.
A Few Questions
What is the best thing about dating a homeless man?
What is the best thing about dating a homeless man?
You can drop him off anywhere.
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants.
He's sleeping.
Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
How can you make your husband mad while making love?
Call him from your cell phone.
Park Bench
Two sweet old ladies were sitting in the park one fine afternoon, feeding the birds. Suddenly a huge, hairy guy walked up and sat down beside them on the bench. After a minute, one of the old ladies whispered to the other, "Martha, this dirty bugger is masturbating right next to me!"
Two sweet old ladies were sitting in the park one fine afternoon, feeding the birds. Suddenly a huge, hairy guy walked up and sat down beside them on the bench. After a minute, one of the old ladies whispered to the other, "Martha, this dirty bugger is masturbating right next to me!"
"Oh my lord!" replied her friend, "Let's just leave, Agnes,!"
"I can't," replied Agnes, "He's using my hand!"
His Reason to Drink
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you've got." He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that one back, too.
After about 5 or 6 of these the bartender decides that he's going to cut the guy off. He says to the guy, "Hey, what's wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?"
The man sighs and says, "Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn't going to speak to me for a whole week!"
The bartender, puzzled, says, "Well, what's wrong with that?"
The man replied, "Well today's the last day!"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you've got." He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that one back, too.
After about 5 or 6 of these the bartender decides that he's going to cut the guy off. He says to the guy, "Hey, what's wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?"
The man sighs and says, "Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn't going to speak to me for a whole week!"
The bartender, puzzled, says, "Well, what's wrong with that?"
The man replied, "Well today's the last day!"
The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
1 comment:
I'm not at all happy with the format on the archived editions.
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